Family Rules- The Unspoken

Do we have unspoken rules and expectations within our family or certain relationships? I can think of a few unspoken rules that my family had that were never necessarily said to me, but kind of just learned. One rule was that we all ate dinner as a family. No one ever said we had to or made a rule about it, but it was just expected of us. We also always went to our siblings’ activities or sports games to show our support. We also always knew which seat at the dinner table was moms and which one was dads. The kid’s seats didn’t matter but we knew where our parents sat, and we would all fight to sit near them for dinner. I still have expectations or unspoken rules that my husband doesn’t know about and that I may get frustrated at him for not following at times. This isn’t fair to him either. When we grow up with certain rules, we expect others to live by them as well. Whether it be roommates, companions or spouses. It is very important to talk about these things with your fiancé before you are married and make sure you are both on the same page. I think it is always easier when my husband knows and understands my expectations and when I know and understand his expectations. It helps things run smoother then it would have otherwise. Also, just because we vocalize our expectations doesn’t mean they are correct or right or something you should enforce in your family. That is a conversation you and your spouse need to have. You are the ones who decide what you want to perpetuate and teach within your family. Being on the same page will help with this tremendously. Something else to remember when you are creating these unspoken rules, even if you may not even know you are, is that you are the example for your children. Whether the unspoken rule is something positive or negative, they will pick up on it. It also depends on the feedback we give to our children when enforcing rules. If the feedback is positive it will probably be something that they will want to incorporate in their life later on, but if they are always getting negative feedback, they will either know that that isn’t something you want them to do and also, they won’t want to perpetuate it into their future lives and families. As an individual, you can evaluate your life and your decisions and rules and pick the things you want to perpetuate and start practicing that in your own life. Then, when you find a partner then you two can discuss what would be the best for the two of you and your family. It is important that this decision is made together or there will end up being expectations that are unknown, and people will become dissatisfied. There will be miscommunication, and this can affect way more than just the things you want to teach your children, but it can lead to a lot of hardship, hurting and struggle in your relationship as husband and wife. Think back to some of those unspoken rules that your family had. How did those play a role in your life back then and how are they playing a role in your life now? Look around you and try and observe maybe others unspoken rules. Observe the rules you know and see if they naturally follow those. You may start to see that most do not. This is something to think about. Begin to be aware and try to see things from others perspectives, as this can help you so much in the future when you are trying to understand your spouse’s unspoken rules or ideas he brings to the table.