Parenting 101

There is no equation for parenting. Parenting is a hard gig that completely is based on the child and the parent. Something isn't always going to work for every parent or every child. That's why there is no solution or one size fits all when it comes to parenting. The question you need to ask yourself is, what do you want to accomplish in parenting. Do you want to have your kids be independent, love unconditionally, teach them skills, help them come to know God, how to manage money, help them gain self-esteem, know their self-worth, or help them know who they are? Whatever you want to accomplish with parenting, if you know and understand this then you can parent productively. A good website for tips and resources is https://www.activeparenting.com so go check it out. One thing I want to emphasize in this post is focusing on the child's needs and not just behavior when parenting. In moments of stress or despair, you may want to jump to only focusing on behavior, but what will really have an impact on your child? A lengthy lecture, a beating or punishment, maybe a hug or a talk about what was right or wrong or even how they are feeling in the moment and try to understand why they are doing or acting like they are. Children have several needs that need to be met including but not limited to: contact (physical contact, giving them a sense of belonging), power, protection, withdrawal, and challenge. Children need to feel like they have power over their decisions and over their life at times so that they don’t feel the need to rebel to get what they want all the time. They need to be protected and taught in a way that helps them understand their boundaries and the why's behind your protection. They need to learn how to take breaks from things and to go back at it after the break (teaches them to keep trying and also things in moderation can be healthy for them in many different ways). They also need to be challenged so that they learn that they can do more than they may think they can at times. As parents, if you focus on these needs then you will help your child reach their full potential. If you become a lawnmower parent (different than a helicopter parent) and don’t allow your kids to recognize or experience consequences in their life, then they will suffer immensely when they get out into the real world. If you focus on the child’s needs and allow natural consequences to occur, then that will help them learn more than you could ever teach them by lecturing them or punishing them. As a parent, you should offer contact freely, teach your child to contribute, give them choices (real choices not just between two things you have chosen), allow natural consequences to teach them (help facilitate that teaching), teach them to be responsible for things (especially their own actions), teach them to be assertive and don't punish them for it in times of frustration. Give them opportunities to be assertive. If you truly want them to be that way in the real world when you aren't there. Also, teach them to forgive because even if they are assertive, they will still get hurt so we have to teach them how to forgive those around them (you as a parent should be an example of this and should apologize or show your child when you are wrong and how to handle it). Overall, just love your child and help them learn and grow, not just to simply obey you. This can and will change their life. Helping them be able to make their own decisions when you are not their and how to accomplish things that are hard can do wonders.