Parenting 101

There is no equation for parenting. Parenting is a hard gig that completely is based on the child and the parent. Something isn't always going to work for every parent or every child. That's why there is no solution or one size fits all when it comes to parenting. The question you need to ask yourself is, what do you want to accomplish in parenting. Do you want to have your kids be independent, love unconditionally, teach them skills, help them come to know God, how to manage money, help them gain self-esteem, know their self-worth, or help them know who they are? Whatever you want to accomplish with parenting, if you know and understand this then you can parent productively. A good website for tips and resources is https://www.activeparenting.com so go check it out. One thing I want to emphasize in this post is focusing on the child's needs and not just behavior when parenting. In moments of stress or despair, you may want to jump to only focusing on behavior, but what will really have an impact on your child? A lengthy lecture, a beating or punishment, maybe a hug or a talk about what was right or wrong or even how they are feeling in the moment and try to understand why they are doing or acting like they are. Children have several needs that need to be met including but not limited to: contact (physical contact, giving them a sense of belonging), power, protection, withdrawal, and challenge. Children need to feel like they have power over their decisions and over their life at times so that they don’t feel the need to rebel to get what they want all the time. They need to be protected and taught in a way that helps them understand their boundaries and the why's behind your protection. They need to learn how to take breaks from things and to go back at it after the break (teaches them to keep trying and also things in moderation can be healthy for them in many different ways). They also need to be challenged so that they learn that they can do more than they may think they can at times. As parents, if you focus on these needs then you will help your child reach their full potential. If you become a lawnmower parent (different than a helicopter parent) and don’t allow your kids to recognize or experience consequences in their life, then they will suffer immensely when they get out into the real world. If you focus on the child’s needs and allow natural consequences to occur, then that will help them learn more than you could ever teach them by lecturing them or punishing them. As a parent, you should offer contact freely, teach your child to contribute, give them choices (real choices not just between two things you have chosen), allow natural consequences to teach them (help facilitate that teaching), teach them to be responsible for things (especially their own actions), teach them to be assertive and don't punish them for it in times of frustration. Give them opportunities to be assertive. If you truly want them to be that way in the real world when you aren't there. Also, teach them to forgive because even if they are assertive, they will still get hurt so we have to teach them how to forgive those around them (you as a parent should be an example of this and should apologize or show your child when you are wrong and how to handle it). Overall, just love your child and help them learn and grow, not just to simply obey you. This can and will change their life. Helping them be able to make their own decisions when you are not their and how to accomplish things that are hard can do wonders. 

Father Involvement

Fathers are so very important. Fathers are to provide, preside and protect their families. The Article I will be referencing in this post will be linked at the bottom of this post. The first thing I want to talk about is how the father influences his family. The father is so essential to a child's social skill development. The father helps influence the children in a way that the mother can't, and vice versa. Fathering behaviors can have a lasting effect on the child's outlook and behaviors in life. Fathers have a bigger responsibility with their children then I think they realize sometimes. 

The second thing I want to talk about is how positive fathering can lead to academic success and even career success in the future. If the father has a positive outlook on school and education and respects the idea of learning and teachers teaching then the child will follow in that way. Research shows many other things like this when it comes to fathering. Positive fathering is much needed for the child's growth, development and success, especially when the mother's support is lacking. 

Fathers are so important for many different reasons. How has your father influenced you? For better or for worse? How do you want to influence your children or the people around you? What do you want to teach your children? Fathers usually provide for his family. This is important because the children need the mother in the home to nurture them and help them learn and grow and to build that bond with them. There have been several studies showing the negative effects of a mother working outside of the home, things like loss of income due to lifestyle changes because of jobs, kids not attaching to their mother, not having extra money because things that were once luxury are now a necessity because of the cash flow that is readily available. It becomes harder for the mother to stop working because of that very reason. The family now depends and relies on her income to support their lifestyle. 

My father definitely influenced me a ton while he was in my life. My father died suddenly when I was 15 years old. I can definitely see the influence he was able to have on me and my older brother compared to the little influence he was able to have on my little brother and sister just because of our age when he died and how long he was in our lives for. Things have definitely been different without him in my life. I can see what my younger siblings are lacking from what my older brother and I have because of his influence. My dad taught me so much from soccer/sports tips or budgeting and saving money and being thrifty, to working hard for the people and things that we love. 

In my future family, I want to allow my husband to have an influence on my children in a positive way. I think one way that I can make this happen is by always speaking positively about my husband to my children. I don't ever want them to have to take a side. I want my husband to feel like they are his children too and that he isn't just a child himself that I am also taking care of. I want us to make decisions together regarding our children. I want them to look up to my husband. I want him to be involved, even if he doesn't have too much time to spend with them, just making sure he gives quality time. 

I think another way to ensure positive fathering with my husband and children is allowing my husband to preside, provide and protect our family. I will definitely support him in all his efforts and help him as well. I think helping him fulfill this will be a great example for my kids to witness. They will come to know what kind of man my husband is and how they can be more like him. Don't ever underestimate the power and influence that fathers can have on your children. It can change their lives, so let it. 


How Father and Father Figures Can Shape Child Health and Wellbeinghttps://thefatheringproject.org/fpwp/wp-content/.../11/New-Fathering-Research.pdf